


Happily Ever After (or: Of Family, Lost and Found)

by doing_her_best



Series: Greenlan Family Forever [2]
Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Family Fluff, Found Family, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, I'm sorry there are sad parts, but note the title!, it starts of so sad but ends up SO cute, the abuse isn't from Greenlan I'm not a monster, they are the softest parents, tw: child abuse, tw: depression, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doing_her_best/pseuds/doing_her_best
Summary: The story of how Emma and Alyssa made a family, just not the one they were expecting, through many ups and downs.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Series: Greenlan Family Forever [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571845
Comments: 21
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

_“Hey Lys?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“You still awake?”_

_“I am now,” Alyssa, groaned, rolling over to face her wife._

_“Can I ask you something?”_

_Alyssa yawned. “If you ask it fast.”_

_“Are you happy, Alyssa?”_

_Alyssa groaned. “I’d be happier if your daughter would go to sleep when she’s supposed to.” _

_“Lys, I’m serious,” Emma insisted._

_“So am I.”_

_There was a long pause before Alyssa yawned again and said, “Why are you asking?”_

_Emma sighed, and Alyssa closed her eyes. Although it was pitch black, Alyssa could distinctly see Emma’s face in her head, her eyes wide with concern, her forehead creased just slightly. “I don’t know. It’s just that Ellie is almost three now, and we have this … routine, I guess, where you go to work, and then you come home. And I know you don’t love the firm right now, and you’re just so tired when you come home at the end of the day, and, well… I’m wondering if you’re happy, I guess.”_

_“Are you happy staying home?” Alyssa asked, not sure where this was coming from._

_Alyssa could feel Emma nodding. “I am. I love being home with Ellie, and honestly I’m kind of dreading when she starts preschool.”_

_“Then why are you asking me this?”_

_“Well, are you?”_

_“Am I what?”_

_“Happy.”_

_Alyssa sighed. “I have the most beautiful, amazing wife in the world, who takes care of my beautiful, amazing daughter, and they are both home waiting for me every night after I spend the day making them thousands of dollars so they can have the best possible life. What would be making me unhappy?”_

_“You didn’t answer my question,” Emma said flatly._

_Another sigh. “I don’t know, Em. I don’t really sit up at night thinking about it, and I’m not sure why you do.”_

_“You just seem… I don’t know, like you want something more.”_

_“Well, maybe I do,” Alyssa replied._

_“Well, what do you want?” Emma prodded._

_“What do I want?” Alyssa asked slowly._

_“Yeah... what is it?”_

_“I want another baby,” Alyssa suddenly blurted out._

_There was stunned silence for a moment before Emma responded. “You do?”_

_“I… do,” Alyssa said slowly, waiting for Emma to respond. “Something’s missing, and I think we should have another kid.”_

_“Good, because I do too,” Emma replied, nonchalant._

_Alyssa rolled over to look her wife. “Seriously?”_

_“Seriously, I do,” Emma replied._

_Alyssa sighed, relieved. “Oh my god, I’m so glad. I just… Ellie is the best thing in the world, and I want more of her. And I also don’t want her growing up an only child.”_

_“Definitely. Being an only child sucks.”_

_Alyssa beamed, giddy with excitement. “I bet I can make an appointment with my doctor next week to see when I could start IVF again.”_

_“You’re okay to carry again?”_

_Alyssa nodded, smiling. “Definitely. I kind of liked it last time.”_

_“Awesome,” Emma breathed. “Because I … really don’t want to.”_

_“So… we’re doing this? Just like that?”_

_“Just like that.”_

_Alyssa leaned forward and kissed Emma deeply. “I love you to infinity,” she whispered before rolling back to her side of the bed._

_“Hey Alyssa? One more thing?”_

_“What?”_

_“Do you think bees are born knowing they can fly, or do mama bees have to push them out of the nests like birds?”_

_“Go to bed, Emma.”_

* * *

THREE AND A HALF YEARS LATER...

Alyssa was tired.

And not just regular tired, but the kind of all consuming exhaustion that seemed to fill every inch of her body and mind.

She groaned softly to herself as she parked her new car in the garage, her whole body aching as she reached to pull the keys out of the ignition. She knew she was far too young to have arthritis, but it felt like every movement was breaking her body down piece by piece. She was sure she couldn’t keep up these late hours much longer; in addition to it making her body hurt all over, tonight will be the third night in a row she arrived home from the law firm with Ellie already asleep, and it wasn’t good for anyone.

Sighing, Alyssa stepped out of the car and headed towards the garage door. She felt her body relax a little when the warm air of the inside of her home hit her face, smelling like dryer sheets and the lavender candles that Emma always kept lit. Normally, Alyssa loved the smell, but lately, it just made her sick.

“Lys?” a gentle voice called from down the hall. “You home?”

“Hey, babe,” Alyssa called out softly as she unzipped her coat and dropped her car keys into the little dish where she always left them. “I’m sorry, I’m so late, I just-”

Alyssa stopped herself when she stepped into the living room, her jaw dropped when she saw the large banner that hung over the mantle. “WELCOME TO ARENDELLE,” it read in block letters with fat snowflakes drawn all around it. A parade of Ellie’s stuffed animals lined the living room couches, surrounded by winding paper streamers and sprawling confetti that covered every available surface. 

Before Alyssa could begin to ask a question, Emma stepped into the room wearing a rumpled suit jacket and bow tie over her pajamas pants, a crown perched lopsided on her head. Grinning, Emma gently motioned for Alyssa to sit down in a chair (that Alyssa now noticed donned a sign that read “For Mommy” on it) and gave a silly bow before announcing, “I present to you, Princess Anna or Arendelle!” 

Suddenly, music began to play over their speaker system as Ellie waltzed into the room wearing her dress-up princess outfit, her long curly hair swept up into a bun that hid behind a wobbling tiara. Giggling madly, she grabbed onto Emma’s hand and began to sing along to “Love is an Open Door”, the two of them breaking out a well-rehearsed, elaborately choreographed dance. She possessed far more coordination that the average six year old, Alyssa realized, as she watched Emma play the Hans to her Anna, twirling their daughter and dancing without an ounce of self-consciousness, the way only their daughter could make her. Alyssa starred, wide-eyed, as her wife and daughter performed the duet, Emma’s voice crystal clear voice harmonizing with Ellie’s childish one. 

When it was all over, Ellie and Emma both bowed expectantly while Alyssa awkwardly broke into applause. Ellie grinned madly as she took her bow, not noticing the tightness behind Alyssa’s smile, or how Emma’s brow began to furrow with worry.

“What did you think?” Ellie asked excitedly, bouncing up and down, oblivious to the tense look Alyssa and Emma were sharing.

“I… think it’s way past your bedtime,” Alyssa said.

“We’d been practicing,” Emma explained, slightly out of breath from all the dancing. “I promised Ellie she could stay up to show you.”

“And you did, and it was great!” Alyssa said, struggling to smile. Her body felt like lead. “So, so great, baby. And now, it’s bedtime.”

“Mommy’s right,” Emma said, reaching down to pull the tiara off of Ellie’s head. “Why don’t you go change into your pajamas and I’ll come tuck you in?”

“Okay,” Ellie said, still beaming. She ran to Alyssa and wrapped her arms around. “Goodnight, Mommy.”

“‘Night, baby,” Alyssa replied, leaning down to hug her daughter. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Ellie said before bounding down the hall towards her room. When she was fully out of earshot, Emma turned to Alyssa, a nonplussed look on her face. 

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Emma said.

Alyssa finally let the fake smile she had been wearing melt away. “It’s just… I’m exhausted, and I come home to find a huge mess in the living room that I’m going to have to clean up-”

“I’ll clean it all up.”

Alyssa ignored her and kept talking. “-and that Ellie is up way past her bedtime, so she’s going to be insanely cranky when she wakes up tomorrow, and I don’t-”

“Lys,” Emma said, placing her hands on Alyssa’s shoulders, rubbing and squeezing gently. “Calm down. Deep breath.” Alyssa was spiraling again, set off again by a small detail. Emma had grown used to this pattern over the last few years; it had become the norm for them alarming quickly.

Alyssa shut her eyes, trying to take a deep breath, but it caught in her throat. “I’m sorry if I’m overreacting, I just-”

“Babe, it’s okay. She wanted to sing Frozen for you. It was cute. Why are you so upset?”

Alyssa shrunk back against herself, inching away from Emma’s concerned touch. “I’ve just had a really long week and I’m… tired.” She hoped that the words would make Emma understand, and she did. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

‘You’ve been taking your medication?” Emma asked gently.

“It’s not helping,” Alyssa replied, darting her eyes away.

Emma bit her lip. “Maybe you should talk to your therapist about taking a higher dose-”

“It’s not helping,” Alyssa repeated.

Emma sighed, and it almost broke Alyssa’s heart in half. “Well, what will help?” 

“I… I don’t know,” Alyssa admitted. 

“Lys-”

“I’m tired. Sleep will help.” Gently, she pulled away from Emma and started towards their bedroom. “I’m going to bed.”

“I love you,” Emma called after her.

Alyssa didn’t respond. She was just too tired. 


	2. Chapter 2

“What’s going on in here?” Alyssa asked, peering in the doorway of Ellie’s room a few days later. Usually by now, Ellie would be eating breakfast in the kitchen under Emma’s watchful eye (making sure she didn’t slip anything she didn’t want to Nugget, their goldendoodle).

“I think somebody has the sniffles,” Emma said as she inspected their daughter, a thermometer sticking out of her mouth.

Alyssa frowned. “Oh, my poor baby,” she murmured as she sat down at the head of the bed behind Ellie. Emma stared at her, wide eyed; Alyssa was already in her “lawyery clothes”, as they called it. Once a very fancy designer suit went on in the morning, they had a strict family rule that Alyssa stay at least five feet away from their daughter, as she was very prone to spills and accidents when you least expected it. No one was happy about it, least of all Alyssa, who made sure to get dressed as late as she could in the morning. 

“Yup,” Emma said as she read the thermometer. “No school for you today, Ellie-belly.”

“No, I hafta go to school,” Ellie insisted with an angry sniffle, shaking her head firmly. She stared up at her moms, her eyes glassy with fever, yet strong and defiant. 

“Not if you’re sick, sweetie,” Emma replied. “They won’t let you. It’s okay, we’ll have a nice day together at home-”

“ _ No, _ I’m going!” Ellie crossed her arms and creased her forehead, determined. Emma silently cursed herself for agreeing to raise a miniature version of her wife; Alyssa’s trademark stubbornness seemed to unfortunately be genetic. 

“Baby girl, why don’t you lie back down, and we can get you some yummy medicine,”Alyssa said as she wrapped her arm around her daughter’s tiny body. 

“NO!” Ellie screamed in fury, smacking Alyssa away, the outburst startling both of her moms.

Shocked and angry, Emma grabbed her tiny wrist. “Elizabeth Eleanor! You do NOT hit Mommy!”

Ellie immediately burst into tears and shrunk away, burying her face in Alyssa’s chest. Emma watched, mystified as Alyssa rubbed their daughet’s back and whispered soothing words while remaining unperturbed at the tears and snot that were quickly covering the front of her blazer. This calmness was atypical for Alyssa, who normally had little patience for tantrums, her hours with her daughter were so few that she was heartbroken when they turned sour. Emma took this opportunity to sit back on the edge of the bed, burying her face in her hands while she let Alyssa handle this fever-induced tantrum.

“Sweetie, why are you so upset?” Alyssa asked as she gently.

“If I d-don’t go, Connor won’t have lunch,” Ellie hiccuped through her tears.

_ Connor? _ It took Alyssa a moment to associate the name with Ellie’s best friend, a quiet boy who Ellie always seemed to drag along into mischief. He had been over to the house multiple times for after school playdates, but Alyssa was rarely there to see him.

“You mean he won’t have anyone to sit with?” 

Ellie shook her head, her face still buried. “No, he won’t eat.”

“What do you mean?” Alyssa prodded gently. 

“If I don’t give him my lunch, then he won’t have anything to eat all day.”

Alyssa and Emma exchanged a confused look. “What do you mean, baby?” Alyssa asked again. 

Ellie unearthed herself from Alyssa’s chest, scrubbing at her eyes and nose with the back of her hand. “His foster mom doesn’t have enough food, so I give him my lunch,” Ellie explained. 

“What??”

“If I’m not there, he won’t eat,” Ellie insisted, threatening to start sobbing again. 

“Wait… what?” Emma said. “If Connor’s eating your lunch, then what do you eat?” 

“I take extra snacks from the classroom kitchen,” Ellie admitted, ducking her head in shame. “Don’t be mad, Mama.”

“I’m not mad,” Emma said, trying to find words. “I… how long have you been doing this?”

Ellie’s chin trembled. “A … while.”

* * *

_ Status update? _ Alyssa texted.

_ I’m waiting to meet with the principal now, _ Emma responded.  _ How’s Ellie? _

Alyssa glanced down at at Ellie, who was snuggled close against her body in the kid-sized bed. _Fever’s_ _ still high, _ she wrote back.  I _ gave her some more of the kiddy cold stuff and it knocked her out.  _

_ :( Poor thing. _

_ At least I get to cuddle her, _ Alyssa texted back as she stared down at Ellie’s sleeping face. 

_ Principal here, gtg _ , Emma quickly texted.

_ Lmk what happens, _ Alyssa responded, but Emma didn’t text back. 

“Mommy?” Ellie asked as her eyes flickered open.

“Hey baby girl,” Alyssa said gently as she softly caressed her daughter’s face. “How are you feeling?”

“Icky,” she replied, sticking out her lip in a pout.

“Oh, I know,” Alyssa said as she gently placed a kiss on the crown of her head. “Try to go back to sleep and you’ll feel better when you wake up, okay?”

Ellie nodded, looking up at her with wide, trusting eyes. “Mommy, are you and Mama mad at me?”

Alyssa’s brow furrowed. “No! Baby, why would we be mad at you?”

“Because I gave Connor my lunch.” Ellie’s chin trembled again, on the verge of tears for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.

“ _ No _ ,” Alyssa said firmly. “Ellie, look at me. Mama and I are not mad. We wish you had told us sooner, but we aren’t mad you gave him your lunch. We’re actually really, really proud of you.”

“Really?” Ellie said, her eyes glassy. 

“Really,” Alyssa promised as she gently stroked Ellie’s hair. It had the exact same curl as her own. “We’re really happy you took care of your friend. It was a very good thing to help him, and you were a very good girl. You understand?”

Ellie nodded before snuggling closer into Alyssa’s side. “I love you, Mommy. Can you stay here forever?”

“Forever,” Alyssa promised as she watched an incoming call flash onto her phone screen. It was Richard, her boss and the president of the law firm.  _ Shit. _

“And you won’t have to go back to work?”

_ Well, I’m might as well die right now,  _ Alyssa thought as she stood up. “I’ll be right back, baby,” she said, not answering the question. Her joints were a bit stiff from squeezing into the child-sized bed, but she shook it off as she stepped out of the room and answered the call. “This is Alys-”

“Where the hell are you?” Richard barked into the phone. 

“I sent you an email,” Alyssa replied through gritted teeth. “I’m taking a personal day.”

“What the hell do you mean you’re taking a personal day?”

“Yes, I’m home with my daughter.”

“You have a daughter?”

Alyssa rolled her eyes; photos of Ellie literally covered her desk, and she talked about her daughter at least once a day. But of course her boss was oblivious. “Yes, her name is Ellie and she’s turning seven in a few-”

“You know what? I don’t care. Just get your ass down here.”

Alyssa clenched her hand tightly around her cellphone. “I can’t,” she said slowly, as if she was speaking to an idiot. “My kid is sick, and I can’t leave her.”

“Like hell you can’t! These guys are our biggest clients, and it’s the wrong day for you to be asking for time off.”

“Are you serious?” Alyssa said. “I haven’t taken a single sick day since my surgery, and that was three years ago. I’m not asking, Richard, I am taking a sick day because my daughter needs me.”

“Well, our clients need you more. I don’t pay you  _ five hundred thousand  _ dollars a year for you to stay home wiping noses all day.”

And just like that, something in Alyssa snapped, something violent that she had been suppressing for a long as she had been working in corporate law. Without a second thought she spat out, “You know what? Maybe you shouldn’t be paying me at all. Maybe I shouldn’t be working for such a tyrannical, self-absorbed asshole.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I fucking quit. Go to hell, Richard,” Alyssa shouted and hung up the phone. Fuming, Alyssa quickly walked back into Ellie’s room, refusing to let the reality of what she just did fully enter her mind. 

“Mommy?” Ellie mumbled, half asleep. “You said a bad word.”

“No I didn’t,” Alyssa said breezily as she slid into bed. “You’re just dreaming.”

“Oh,” Ellie said simply as she snuggled into Alyssa’s side. “Okay.”

* * *

When Alyssa heard the rumble of the garage door a few hours later, she carefully slid out of Ellie’s bed and tip-toed out of the room, eager to get an update from her wife and much less eager to confess that she was now unemployed. Alyssa followed the tell-tale sound of the door opening. “Thank god you’re home, babe, we really need to talk-”

Alyssa stopped short when she saw Emma was not alone: she was holding the hands of two small children. She recognized Connor from the few playdates she had been present for, but the small girl about half his size was a stranger. Alyssa assumed she was his sister as they both had the same sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes with the same wise look in them. 

“Lia, this is my wife,” Emma said while shooting Alyssa a pointed look that said  _ please be cool with this. _

Alyssa crouched down and extended her hand. “Hi Lia, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” the girl (Alyssa guessed she was about four) said, shaking Alyssa’s hand with a strange formality she did not expect from a child. 

““Hi, Mrs. Nolan,” Connor said with a timid wave. Alyssa waved back, unsure of what to say.

There was a pregnant pause for a moment before Emma cleared her throat. “Connor, why don’t you and Lia take off your shoes and go watch cartoons while Alyssa and I talk about grown up stuff?”

Connor nodded and pulled Lia into the living room, clicking on the TV. “You can grab some carrot sticks and hummus from the fridge if you’re hungry,” Emma called after them, but they were already so absorbed in Spongebob Squarepants that they didn’t seem to notice. 

Without a word, Alyssa grabbed Emma by the wrist and led her to their bedroom where they quickly shut the door. “Okay, you want to tell me what’s going on?” Alyssa said when they were finally alone.

Emma ran her fingers through her hair. “Lys, after I talked to the principal, and he sent the cops to check on their foster mom. Turns out she was using drugs, and she wasn’t taking care of Connor and his sister. Ellie was right - they weren’t being fed.”

“Holy shit,” Alyssa whispered, sitting down on their bed and placing a hand against her chest. “Emma…”

“I told their social worker they could stay here tonight, until the figure something out that’s more permanent,” Emma explained. “So… yeah.”

“Jesus,” Alyssas said, shaking her head back and forth. “Those poor kids.” 

“It’s okay if they stay here tonight?

“What? Of course!”

“Thanks,” Emma said, reaching out for Alyssa’s hand. Alyssa complied, letting Emma’s fingers wrap around her own and squeeze lightly. “It’s just for the night.”

“Of course,” Alyssa repeated, squeezing back.

Emma smiled at her. “How was your day with Ellie? DId she give you any trouble?”

“I quit my job today,” Alyssa blurted out.

Emma froze, her mouth sitting slightly agape. “Wh-. .. what do you mean?”

Alyssa felt her face get hot. “I… my boss called and told me I had to come in, and I just … I just couldn’t take it anymore. It’s not worth the money anymore.”

“Not… worth it?” Emma asked, not understanding.

“Emma, the other night, when you were dancing with Ellie and I got so upset, it’s because I was … jealous.”

“Jealous of  _ me _ ?”

“No!” Alyssa quickly backtracked. “Not jealous of you, spending time with her, but jealous that I didn’t get to.”

Emma closed her mouth and bit her lip, working very hard to consider her next words. She quickly realized that she didn’t need to speak, Alyssa had started to babble. “Emma, I am missing our daughter’s life. It’s happening; she’s growing up and I am  _ missing it.  _ I always said I was doing this for her, so she could have a better life, but we already have enough money saved to pay for college, and plenty for retirement, and I just can’t justify spending this kind of time away from her, away from  _ you.  _ And I don’t want to be like my dad, I want to be there for you both, to help cook dinner and to be there for bedtime and bathtime and-”

“Lys, it’s okay,” Emma said, grabbing Alyssa’s wrists. “We’ll make it work.”

Alyssa felt a tentative wave of relief wash over her. “Really?” she whimpered. It came out a high-pitched squeak.

“You’ve sacrificed a  _ lot _ for this family-”

“So have you,” Alyssa countered.

“If you don’t want to work there anymore, I’ll support you,” Emma said, ignoring Alyssa’s comment. “We both know you haven’t been… doing that well lately, and the job isn’t helping. You’re the smartest person I know. You’ll find another job, one with better hours and better people, and in the meantime we have plenty of savings to get by.”

Alyssa felt her heart melt. “ _ Thank you,” _ she said, full of gratitude.

“And you know what?” Emma continued. “It’s probably time for me to go back to work.”

_ What?  _ “No,” Alyssa said firmly, shaking her head. “You shouldn’t have to do that.”

“Ellie’s in school full time now,” Emma rationalized. “Staying home to write music has been great, but it’s not really doing anything huge yet, so there’s no reason I can’t pick up at least something part time, to help us out while you’re looking.”

Alyssa blushed, embarrassed. “Only if you want to,” she mumbled, staring down at her hands.  _ She _ was supposed to be the one taking care of them, and she was obviously failing. 

Emma read her expression immediately; she quickly grabbed Alyssa’s hands in her own and squeezed them tightly. “Hey, we’re a team, you and I, okay? Partners. We’re in this together; it’s not all on you.”

Alyssa bit the inside of her cheek. “Emma-”

Before Alyssa could continue her thought, there was a loud knock on the door, Ellie’s small voice calling out from the other side. “Mommy? Mama? Can Lia share my room tonight?”

Emma grinned back at Alyssa. “I guess I’d better figured out where the kids are sleeping tonight.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I hate this,” Alyssa grumbled as she wiped a sponge across the surface of a plate, her gloved hands dunking into a sink full of soapy water.

“I know,” Emma replied from her spot next to her, gently drying a bowl.

“ _I HATE this_!” Alyssa repeated, sing-songing the words as she scrubbed more vigorously. 

“ _I KNOW!”_ Emma sang back with a little grin, one that Alyssa did not match. 

“This damn dishwasher,” Alyssa mumbled as she passed the plate to Emma for her to dry. “It shouldn’t be broken. I swear, I feel like we just got it.”

“It came with the house,” Emma replied as she swiped a dishcloth over the plate. “So who knows how old it is?”

Alyssa grumbled to herself. “Well, this house is too new for things to be breaking. I’m so glad they can send someone to fix it on Friday.”

“Ah, crap. I actually won’t be home to meet the repair guy; can you meet him?”

“Yeah, sure. Where are you going to be?”

“I got a job today,” Emma said nonchalantly as she dried another plate. 

Alyssa froze. “What? Babe, where?”

“You know how Ellie’s music teacher is going on maternity leave? Well, the sub they had lined up got a job somewhere else. It’s just for four months, but it’s something.”

“Are you… happy about it?”

Emma thought for a second before nodding. “I really am. I think it’ll be fun.”

Alyssa put the bowl she was rinsing back into the sink and turned to Emma. “As long as you’re happy, babe.”

“What about you? How’s your search going?”

“Not great,” Alyssa mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “There’s a few openings at some of the bigger firms in town, but they’re all really big commitments, and…”

“And that’s why you left in the first place,” Emma finished for her.

Alyssa nodded, grateful that Emma understood. “I might try getting some things appointed in criminal court; the judge over there likes me.”

“That sounds great,” Emma said, trying to be encouraging. 

Alyssa ignored her, glancing back down to the sink full of soapy dishes. “Maybe we should try to get someone her sooner. I mean, now that we’re feeding two more mouths, dishes pile up so much faster, not to mention our food bill is climbing.”

Emma nodded. “Well, Connor and Lia won’t be here too much longer-”

“How much longer?”

“What?”

“How much longer, Emma?”

Emma froze, not expecting the question. “I… I don’t know. We can’t just _kick them out,_ Lys.”

“I’m not saying we should kick them out. It’s just that it’s been almost three weeks, and I can’t believe Denise hasn’t found them a foster home yet.”

“Her name’s Debbie,” Emma corrected under her breath as she finished drying another plate.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing,” Emma said as she put down the dish towel. She wasn’t ready to fight. “I’m going to go tuck Ellie in.”

Minutes later, Emma was running through the usual bedtime routine with Ellie. Snuggled together in Ellie’s bed, Emma always read her a book for ten minutes and then sang a lullaby. Ellie always picked the song, and tonight, it was “Part Of Your World” from The Little Mermaid. 

“Another princess song, huh?” Emma said when it was over. “You’ve really liked princess stuff, lately.”

Ellie smiled up at her. “Today when you and Mommy were cooking dinner, we played Little Mermaid, and I was Ariel and Lia was Flounder and Connor was the prince.”

“That sounds fun,” Emma said.

“It was! How long until they leave? I like having sleepovers every night.”

“I don’t know,” Emma replied truthfully. “It depends how fast their social worker can find them another home.”

Ellie pouted. “Why can’t _this_ be their home? It’s fun having other kids to play with.”

“Because this is already _your_ home,” Emma replied by way of explanation, not wanting to discuss it further. “Okay, it's bedtime. Goodnight, baby girl,” she said, standing up to turn off the light. 

“Wait!” Ellie cried. “Mama’s goodnight kiss! You forgot!”

“Oops,” Emma said with a slight yawn, quickly crouching back down to finish off their nighttime routine. “Sorry, Mama’s just being silly tonight.” She quickly leaned in and pressed a kiss side of Ellie’s cheek before standing back up again.

Ellie leaned back against her pillows, content at completion of their routine, and snuggled down deeper under her covers. “Goodnight, Mama.”

“Sleep well, baby girl,” Emma said softly while flicking off the lights, letting the pink wash of a nightlight fill the room. She softly stepped towards the door, only to find it ajar with a small pair of eyes peaking out from the other side.

“Hey, Connor,” Emma said as she stepped outside. _Did he hear out conversation?_ she wondered. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

“I can’t sleep,” he said, shuffling his feet. 

“Is something wrong? Do you want a glass of water?”

“No…” he said, looking away. “I’m just …. scared.”

Emma crouched down so they were eye-level. “I know it’s scary, sleeping somewhere that’s still pretty unfamiliar.”

“Yeah,” he said softly, clutching his stuffed dinosaur. His eyes glistened, full of deep thought.

Emma sighed gently, her heart aching for him; he definitely heard her conversation with Ellie. “What would make you less scared?”

He cleared his throat before tentatively asking, “Can I get a goodnight kiss too?”

Emma hesitated for a moment before nodding and leaning in to kiss his cheek. “There you go, sweetie. That better?”

Connor nodded, his frown softening. “Can Lia get one too?”

Emma grinned. “She’s already asleep. Tomorrow night, though.”

He nodded, considering. “Okay, thanks,” he mumbled with a yawn before turning back towards the guest room he had been sleeping in. Emma grinned as she listened to Connor’s feet make soft _pat-pat_ sounds down the hall.

“Em, are you going to help me finish this?” Alyssa called out from the kitchen, snapping Emma out of her head. 

“Yeah,” she replied. “I’ll help you.”

* * *

“Good morning boys and girls!” A voice rang out from behind Emma, making her jump slightly.

“Good morning Mrs. Stein,” Emma’s class of third graders chorused as the principal appeared behind her, stepping into the music room.

“Mrs. Stein, how are you doing today?” Emma asked as she turned to her, slightly confused at the interruption. She had been teaching music for almost two months and felt like she was really starting to get good at it, but the principal showing up in the middle of her class didn’t seem like a good thing.

“I’m very well. I was wondering if I could speak to you for a moment? Miss Linda can stay with you class.” One of the school secretaries peaked her head in the room, poised to take over.

“Oh… okay,” Emma answered awkwardly as she stood up, placing the guitar she held on the ground next to her. She quickly followed the principal out the door, perplexed and more than a little concerned. As soon as the door was closed behind them, she turned to the principal expectantly.

“Everything’s fine,” she quickly assured. “It’s just… Lia fell off the monkey bars at recess, and it looks like she broke her arm. We’ve already called an ambulance, and we know she’s … staying with you at the moment, so we thought you ought to know.”

Emma went pale, her eyes wide with surprise. “Where is she? I need to be with her.”

“Of course. She’s in the nurse’s office; your daughter’s there with her now.”

“Th-thanks,” Emma said, stuttering a little. The principal nodded as Emma barreled down the school hallways to the nurses office, her blood cold with fear. Her heart was pounding as she opened the door, already hearing a faint cry from the outside. 

“Oh, Lia, it’s okay, I’m here,” Emma said as she burst through the door, taking in the sight of the little girl crying as she held an ice pack to her forearm. Ellie sat next to her, holding her good hand with a worried expression on her face.

“Mama, it hurts,” Lia whimpered through hiccupy tears. 

“Oh, I know,” Emma said as she quickly scooped Lia up and placed her into her lap. Lia nuzzled into her chest, burying her face in Emma’s shirt as she tenderly clutched her arm. “It’s okay, I’m here.” Lia only whimpered in response.

“Ellie, you can go back to class,” Emma instructed Ellie as she gently stroked Lia’s hair. 

Ellie pouted, defiant. “I want to stay here with you.”

“Sweetie, no. Head on back.”

Elliee’s brow knit together with worry. “It’ll be okay, Lia,” she said with best confidence a kid who had just turned seven could muster, doing her best to comfort the scared little girl. 

Hours later, after an ambulance ride and x-rays and the application of a very cool bright blue cast, Emma and Alyssa sat guard over Lia’s hospital bed while she slept, knocked out from a very heavy dose of painkillers. Emma leaned back against the wall in her chair while Alyssa held Lia’s hand, her elbows resting on the edge of the bed with her eyes half open.

“Hey babe?” Emma whispered, careful not to wake Lia.

“Yeah babe?”

“Earlier today, when I went to the nurses’ office to get Lia, she... .”

“Hmm?”

Emma blushed, grinning in spite of herself. “She called me ‘Mama’.”


	4. Chapter 4

FOUR YEARS AGO…

_“Shhhh, shhh, babe, I’m here,” Emma whispered, her face pressed up against Alyssa’s, their bodies flush against each other. She closed her eyes as she felt the stickiness of Alyssa’s hot tears on her cheek, growing wetter by the second. “You need to calm down, it’s going to be okay.”_

_Alyssa didn’t respond, her sobs growing louder every minute. It was like she didn’t notice Emma was there, which was almost impossible given how small her hospital bed was. Emma lay tangled around her side, one hand gently resting on top Alyssa’s head, the other snaked down between IV wires to hold her hand tightly._

_“Please, babe, breath for me,” Emma pleaded as Alyssa gasped for breath between choking sobs. She could feel each labored breath shake the bed, making it creak beneath their weight. “I need you to breath for me.”_

_“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Nolan,” a nurse said, shaking her head sadly. “We’re going to have to sedate her.”_

_“NO,” Emma begged. “Please, she hates those drugs.”_

_“I’m sorry, but we can’t have her rip her stitches_ again, _it’ll only set her back even more.”_

_Emma felt her chin tremble, and she bit the inside of her cheek hard to fight back tears. “It’s okay, babe,” Emma whispered, squeezing Alyssa’s hand as the nurse added the sedative to the IV drip. Slowly, Alyssa began to calm as the drug did it’s job, her cries relaxing and her eyes fluttering shut. Emma exhaled a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding as Alyssa’s grip went slack, and she reached over to wipe the remaining tears from her cheeks. “It’ll all be okay.”_

* * *

“Good morning,” Emma said as she stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. Her cheeks were still pink from the warmth of the steam from her shower, her hair still dripping wet. 

Alyssa didn’t reply; she acted as if Emma hadn’t spoken, her eyes fixed at a distant point at the ceiling. 

“Lys?” No reply. Emma sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, next to where Alyssa was laying. “Babe, what’s wrong? Are you sick?” 

Alyssa said nothing; she merely bunched up the blankets around her rolled onto her side, facing away from Emma. It was only then that Emma noticed the vacant expression in her eyes, as if she were far away.

 _Shit,_ Emma thought, her stomach sinking. Alyssa seemed to have been doing better lately; it had been so long since the last bad day. “Babe, did something happen? What can I do?”

Alyssa didn’t say anything. Emma knew better than to expect her to respond, but the silence still hurt. “Please, babe, I need you to get up. Ellie and Connor and Lia need you to get up.” 

More silence. Emma knew what a bad day looked like for Alyssa: not moving, barely speaking, staring at the wall for hours as if nothing else existed. Their therapist had told Emma she needed to be more forgiving with the bad days, that Alyssa was doing her best to work through them. But Emma couldn’t take it today. Not today. She needed her wife today.

“Alyssa, please, what can I do?” Emma pleased, placing a hand on her wife’s back. “I need you to get up, babe.”

“I just can’t,” Alyssa whispered, the words startling Emma. “Not today. I can’t.”

Emma bit her lip as she tried to keep her body from trembling. “I thought things were getting better,” she said, feeling defeated. “I thought…”

Emma trailed off, lost in silent thought, before she spoke again, trying a different approach. “It’s just… today’s Lia’s ballet recital, and she’s been practicing so much, and I promised all the kids we could get ice cream afterwards.”

“Seriously?” Alyssa replied.

“It’s just… they’ve been looking forward to it-”

“Do you know what today is?” Alyssa said. 

“What?”

“Do. You. Know. What today is?” she asked again, her voice biting. “Do you even care?”

“ _How could you ask me that?”_

Emma’s voice with thick with pain, shocking them both. There was a violent silence for a moment before she continued. “ _Of course._ Of _course_ I know what today is, and _of course_ I care. And frankly, I’m really hurt that you would even ask that.”

Alyssa stayed silent, so Emma kept talking, a single, silent tear slipping out of her eye. “Four years ago today was the _worst_ day of my life,” Emma said, her voice cracking. “But you know what, Alyssa? You’re still here. You’re here, and I don’t get why you’re acting like you’re not.” Alyssa heard Emma choke back a sob, so she closed her eyes; she didn’t want to see it anymore. 

“You’re alive,” Emma continued. “You’re alive, and healthy, with a beautiful family that loves and needs you. You're ALIVE. And you can’t keep hiding in here like you aren't.”

When Alyssa didn’t respond, Emma buried her face in her hands. “I love you. I love you to infinity. But I’m getting the kids dressed, and we are going to the ballet recital and going for ice cream, because they are _here._ They are here, and I’m sure as hell not going to forget it.”

With that, Emma stood up, leaving the room before she let herself say anything else.

* * *

A little while later (she had no idea how much time had passed; she hadn’t been checking the clock), a soft knock on the door broke Alyssa out of her silence. She ignored it; if it was Emma, she would just come in, and if it was one of the kids, she didn’t want them to see her like this. But the knock kept getting louder, more persistent. Soon, it got so loud that it was all Alyssa could hear. 

“Who is it?” she called out finally, rolling over slightly so she was facing the door.

“Mommy?” Ellie said, peaking her head in. “We need your help.”

Alyssa sighed. “Go ask Mama. I’m not feeling well.”

Ellie sucked in her cheeks before stepping inside the dark room. “But we need _you,_ ” Ellie repeated. It was then that Alyssa noticed Lia was hiding behind her, barely visible through the crack in the door. “Mama doesn’t know how to do hair…”

It was then that Lia stepped inside, and Alyssa had to do everything in her power not to gasp. Lia’s hair was pulled up in a thousand different directions, making her look like she had just stuck her fingers in an electrical socket. 

“She needs a ballerina bun,” Ellie said, matter of fact. “And that’s _not_ one. We don't want to hurt Mama's feelings, but...”

"Say no more," Alyssa said quickly. She didn’t even hesitate before sitting up on the edge of the bed. “Okay, Li-li, get over here. Ellie, go distract Mama before she notices Lia’s missing.” Grateful, Lia ran over and jumped up on the side of the bed while Ellie silently slipped out the door.

 _Emma means well,_ Alyssa thought fondly as she immediately started to detangle the scrunched-up birds nest sitting on top of Lia’s head. Realizing just how chaotic the tangled hair had become, Alyssa got up and ran to her bathroom to grab a comb, detangler, bobby pins, hair ties, and gel - everything she needed to make a perfect bun. 

Alyssa was back at the edge of the bed in flash, quickly working through Lia’s hair section by section. She was so determined to fix it, to give Lia the perfect hairdo for her recital, that she didn’t even realize she had gotten out of bed. 


	5. Chapter 5

_ FOUR YEARS AGO _

_ “Hello, can I please speak to Mr. Barry Glickman?” _

_ “Speaking.” _

_ “Hi Mr. Glickman, I’m calling from Happy Hands Preschool. You’re listed as the emergency contact for Elizabeth Nolan. Nobody picked her up from school today, and I can’t seem to get a hold of either of her mothers-” _

_ “You’re not going to,” Barry replied, rubbing his forehead with exasperation. “One’s on an airplane, the other’s in emergency surgery.” _

_ “Oh, my goodness, I-” _

_ Barry cut her off as he sunk deeper into the crinkly, hospital waiting room chair. “I’ll have someone head over to pick Ellie up within the hour. Just… don’t tell her what’s going on.” _

_ “Of course; her teacher can wait with her. I hope her mother is alright.” _

_ “I sure do, too,” Barry replied, hanging up the phone. _

_ DeeDee looked over at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. It was just the two of them: Angie was out on a national tour, Trent was still in Indiana. She wished they weren’t there alone. “Do you want to go get Ellie, or should I?” _

_ Barry glanced at his watch, sighed, and looked at the floor. “Can you? Emma’s flight lands in twenty minutes. I should be the one to tell her; it should be me.” _

* * *

“Emma Nolan! You stop snooping right this minute!”

Emma jumped back from the closet, caught red handed as she was peaking inside. She spun around to face Alyssa and the kids, a guilty look on her face. “I… when did you all get home?”

Alyssa pretended to be madder than she was to get the kids giggling. “I  _ specifically _ told you that you were  _ not _ allowed to see your costume until it was time to get dressed tonight. And you were  _ snooping? _ ”

Emma fell into the game, sticking out a whimpering lip in an over dramatic pout as Ellie, Connor, and Lia laughed at her. “But it’s not fair! Everyone gets to know what our Halloween costumes are but me. I just wanted to peak....”

“But it’s a SURPRISE, Mama!” Connor said gleefully.

“Yeah, Mama, like we do every year,” Ellie agreed, a smirk on her face. That much was true; every year since Ellie was born, Alyssa and Ellie had planned an elaborate, handmade family costume and kept it hidden from Emma until it was time to go trick-or-treating. The last year, Emma, Alyssa, and Ellie were Woody, Buzz, and Jessie from Toy Story; the year before, Pooh, Piglet, and Tigger.  _ I can’t wait until she’s old enough for Ron, Harry, and Hermione,  _ Emma had said last year. 

“It’s not fair,” Emma whined weakly. “How come everyone gets to know but me? It’s four against one.”

“Because!” Lia said with a squeal. “That’s the game, Mama!”

“Wow, someone turns five and she thinks she knows everything all of a sudden,” Emma said jokingly, picking up Lia and flipping her upside down. Lia laughed maniacally while Emma shot Alyssa a joyful, pleading look. “Okay, the sooner we eat dinner, the sooner everybody gets dressed,” Emma said while putting Lia back on the ground. “Has anybody washed hands yet?”

As the kids scurried off to the bathroom, Emma gave Alyssa a sheepish smile. “Sorry for peaking.”

Alyssa stepped close to her and placed a deep kiss on her lips. “Somehow, I think I’ll forgive you,” she replied, their faces pressed close. “I  _ have _ been planning this for weeks, however, so you can wait a few more hours before seeing your costume.”

“Mmm,” Emma sighed into the kiss, still smiling. “I love seeing you like this.”

“Like what?”

“You know…” Emma stumbled. “Excited. Motivated.”  _ Happy. _ The unspoken work was heard loud and clear. 

Alyssa beamed at her. “Well, you know how much I love Halloween.”

“Not as much as I love  _ you,” _ Emma replied, kissing her again.

Alyssa giggled, leaning in to press her forehead against Emma’s. “It  _ has _ been… good lately,” she admits. “And I really want it to stay that way.”

“Well... now that my teaching job is permanent, maybe it can.”

“Emma, what!” Alyssa lightly smacked Emma on the arm. “When were you going to tell me?”

“I just found out today,” Emma said, grinning from ear to ear. “The woman I was covering for decided to move closer to her family, so they offered me the job permanently. I wanted to tell them yes right away, but I wanted to check with you first."

“Of course you should say yes!” Alyssa replied, leaning in to hug Emma tightly. “Em, I’m so proud of you! That school is so lucky to have you as a teacher. And it’ll be so good for Ellie, having you there-”

“And for Connor and Lia, too,” Emma quickly interjected.

Alyssa’s smile faltered, just barely. “For all of them,” she quickly corrected herself. “It’ll be good for all the kids, while they’re here.”

Emma’s smile suddenly dropped from her face. “Alyssa, they’ve been here six months, when will you-”

“Okay! We washed our hands,” Connor’s voice called out from the kitchen. “It’s dinner time now!”

“Then trick-or-treating!” Ellie screamed excitedly.

Saved by the kids, Emma and Alyssa quickly hurried to get dinner ready. In no time, Alyssa was laying out Emma’s costume on her bed behind a closed door, all three of the kids giggling while Emma waited impatiently, pacing nervously outside the door for comedic effect.

“Alright, you may enter,” Alyssa said as she finally emerged from behind the door, a sly grin on her face. “Kiddos, why don’t you all get dressed? I can get started on everybody's hair, too.”

A three-part harmony of squeals broke into the air as the kids went flying to their bedrooms, Emma matching their speed as she ran to check out her mystery costume. When Emma dashed into her bedroom, she was more confused than anything. Alyssa had laid out a big, furry suit for her to step into. Well, it wasn’t exactly fury, it was more like… hair? But it was definitely an animal suit.

Emma stepped into the costume quickly and ran to look at herself in the mirror. She furrowed her brow, trying to figure out what she was. A … bear? A deer? She truly had no idea; Alyssa definitely had some explaining to do.

“Em? You dressed yet?”

“Yes,” Emma called out. “And I truthfully have no idea what I-” 

Emma froze when she saw what Alyssa was wearing, more confused than ever. Alyssa was… a snowman? If Alyssa was a snowman, then why was Emma dressed as a bear? “Okay, please explain,” Emma begged.

Alyssa frowned and put her hand on her hip. “You forgot the head piece!” she declared, running over to the side of the bed. It was true; Emma hadn’t noticed, but a headband with intricately designed antlers had fallen off to the side. Alyssa quickly shoved the headband onto Emma’s head, intentionally tousling her hair in the process.

“Wait,” Emma said with a laugh. “You’re a snowman, and I’m a … reindeer?”

Alyssa gave her a mischievous grin. “It’s what the kids wanted-”

“Mama, look!” Ellie screamed as she burst into the bedroom, Lia holding her hand and Connor paces behind them. “Look what Mommy did!”

Emma started to laugh as she took in Ellie and Lia’s beautiful Elsa and Anna princess dresses, their hair intricately braided to match the princess’ styles (how did Alyssa do that so fast? Her wife really was magical). Connor proudly showed off his Kristoff outfit, his blonde hair mussed appropriately, his thick wooly vest perfectly matching the cartoon character’s.

Emma started laughing immediately. “Wait, am I Sven?” She turned to Alyssa. “And you’re-”

“Olaf!” Alyssa finished in a goofy voice. “And I like warm hugs!” She quickly wrapped her arms around Emma, squeezing tightly while Emma giggled. All of the kids joined in and wrapped their tiny bodies around Emma as well, laughing and squeezing. 

“I can’t breathe!” Emma joking said, wrapped between everyone’s arms. 

Giggling, Alyssa pulled back. “Well, we have to head out for trick-or-treating now anyhow! Shoes on, everybody!”

The kids went barreling towards door in search of their shoes, leaving Emma to stare at Alyssa adoringly.

"Why are you grinning like that?" Alyssa asked.

Emma smiled even wider, blushing a little. "I just... love seeing you like this," she said, repeating her words from earlier.

"Shut up, dork," Alyssa said, ignoring the small blush that was spreading across her cheeks. She reached for Emma's hand and lead her to the door, where the kids were waiting patiently.

“Wait! We have to get a picture before everyone starts running,” Emma said, stepping out the door flagging down the first passerby she could, an old woman more than willing to take a few shots of them all on Emma’s cellphone.

“Wow, look at all those adorable kids,” the old woman said as she held up Emma’s cell. “You have such a beautiful family,

Protectively, Emma wrapped her arm around Alyssa’s waist. “Yeah, we really do.”

* * *

The call came a few days later on Friday afternoon, a little before five pm. Alyssa was working on cooking dinner - spaghetti with meatballs, Connor’s favorite - when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. 

_ It’s funny how your entire day can change in an instant, _ Alyssa thought as she looked at the wall. One minute she was boiling water for pasta and stirring extra garlic into the marina sauce the way Emma liked it, and then the entire world changed.

“We’re home,” she heard a voice call out as the garage door opened. She heard the scuffle of the children taking off their coats and shoes, but she didn’t move a muscle, didn’t dare look at the kids as they came inside.

“Lys?” Emma said as she came up behind her. Alyssa turned around, and when Emma saw the expression on her face, she knew something awful must have happened. Her blood went cold when she saw the empty look Alyssa wore, expecting the absolute worst.

“Kids, why don’t you watch some TV before dinner while Mama and I talk?” Alyssa said evenly as she stood up. She quickly paced towards her bedroom, Emma following behind anxiously as the kids settled down to watch Spongebob. 

“Alyssa-” Emma started to say as she slipped into their bedroom and closed the door.

“I got a call from Debbie today,” Alyssa said finally.

“Debbie?”

“Connor and Lia’s social worker.”

“Oh,” Emma said. It took another moment for it to connect for her. “ _ Oh-” _

“She found a foster home for them. About an hour away from here.”

Emma felt like all the breath had been knocked out of her, like she had been punched in the gut. She sat down on the bed, suddenly dizzy, as she tried to process what was happening.

“When-”

“Monday,” Alyssa whispered, answering the question before Emma could ask. “She’ll pick them up Monday.”

“ _ MONDAY,”  _ Emma croaked. She placed a hand to her chest, overwhelmed. “That’s just… so soon.”

“I know,” Alyssa whispered. “I know.”

Emma started to tremble. “Alyssa-“

“This was never supposed to be permanent,” Alyssa said evenly, her knees buckling. “They were only supposed to stay here until Debbie found a family for them, and she did.”

Emma looked up at her. “I know, but, I just… I didn’t expect them to be-”

“Me neither, but this is what’s best for them,” Alyssa said, trying to keep her voice from cracking.

Emma’s jaw dropped open slightly, a thousand words trapped in her throat. “How are we supposed to tell them?” she whispered, barely able to speak.

Alyssa swallowed. “Why don’t we all do something fun together on Sunday? Maybe go to the science museum? Or the zoo?”

“The zoo... “ Emma repeated. She closed her and shook her head tightly. “You want to go to the zoo?”

“Emma-”

Emma jumped up, her hands clenched in fists. “My children are being taken away from me, and you want to go to the fucking zoo!” Before Alyssa could react, Emma burst past her out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Alyssa was almost grateful for it; she let go of the breath she had been holding and finally allowed herself to cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, thank you so much to everyone who has left kudos and comments!!! They are very appreciated. This is a big reveal chapter! But don't worry there are more flashbacks and more pieces of the story being revealed after this. This is a little heavier so prepare yourself for that. I'm sorry that my personal hobby is hurting Alyssa. Also the following TW's are spoilers but I still want to post them here.  
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> TW for blood, pregnancy loss

_ FOUR YEARS AGO _

_ “More! More!” Ellie chanted from her booster seat as she smeared jelly across her face. _

_ “Are you sure you’ll be okay without me?” Emma asked for the hundredth time as she rolled her suitcase past the kitchen.  _

_ “Babe, it’s four days, we’ll be fine,” Alyssa said as she attacked her squirming, three-year-old daughter’s face with a napkin.  _

_ “Are you sure? It’s just that it’s the other side of the country, and I don’t want-” _

_ “Emma Nolan, you are not missing your chance to get signed by a real record label,” Alyssa stated firmly as she swiped the napkin across Ellie’s mouth. “This meeting is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Now, stop it before you miss your flight.” _

_ Emma sighed and leaned over to kiss Ellie on the cheek, struggling to find a spot that wasn’t sticky with raspberry jelly. “Okay, bye-bye, baby girl, Mama loves you,” Emma said, looking at her daughter adoringly.  _

_ “Bye-bye, Mama!” Ellie chirped, wiggling in her high chair. _

_ “Bye-bye, Mama,” Alyssa echoed, swooping in to place a kiss on Emma’s lips.  _

_ “Mmmm,” Emma sighed as she kissed her wife. “Bye, babe.” After a second, she crouched down and grabbed Alyssa’s hips affectionately so she could place a kiss on the center of her lightly bulging stomach. “Bye, lil baby,” she said, rubbing Alyssa’s stomach lightly. _

_ Alyssa giggled as Emma nuzzled gently against her stomach. “That tickles,” she said with a grin. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she felt nauseous, so she drew away from Emma’s touch, groaning lightly. _

_ “You okay, babe?” Emma asked. _

_ “Mmhm,” Alyssa replied, scrunching up her face and closing her eyes. “I think morning sickness is making a reappearance.” _

_ Emma frowned, concerned. “I thought that was supposed to end with the first trimester.” _

_ “Me too. But hey, it’s passing.” Alyssa sighed with relief as she opened her eyes to find a very concerned looking Emma staring at her with worry-filled eyes. “Em, it’s fine. Pregnancy stinks sometimes.” _

_ “MOMMY!” Ellie shrieked as she smeared her peanut butter toast across the top of her head before throwing it to Nugget, who was waiting patiently by the high-chair for exactly that. _

_ “And…. so does the end result,” Alyssa joked as Emma half sighed/half laughed. “Now, get out of here!” _

* * *

“Lions! Lions!” Ellie screamed gleefully, pulling Emma’s left hand towards the Safari section of the zoo.

“I wanna see the penguins!” Lia countered, pulling on the right hand in the other direction, towards the aquarium on the other side.

“Whoa, whoa,” Emma said, struggling to keep balance as the two girls pulled her in opposite directions. She quickly scooped them up into her arms, tucking their tiny bodies under her armpits like footballs, one on each side. The girls giggled madly while Emma’s carried them, swinging them back and forth. “We have all day to see everything.”

“Lions first!!!” Ellie begged.

“And then tigers?” Lia asked.

“And bears, oh my!” Alyssa quipped with a small laugh.

Emma rolled her eyes as she lowered Ellie and Lia onto the ground. “We can start with the lions,” Emma contested as she grabbed onto each other their hands. She glanced back at Connor, who was trailing slightly behind, while she pointedly ignored Alyssa. “That okay with you, Connor?”

Connor nodded with a small smile before slipping his hand into Alyssa’s. He didn’t notice how Alyssa recoiled slightly at the touch before holding on, how she leaned away from him.

Alyssa felt tears flood her eyes for the hundredth time that weekend as she watched Emma trudge ahead with Ellie and Lia, and she once again bit them back. Emma had barely spoken to her in the last two days, and it was tearing Alyssa apart. She knew Emma’s heart was breaking, having to say goodbye to Connor and Lia tomorrow, but that didn’t make it any easier. It’s not like her own heart wasn’t breaking, too.

After a morning of running between different animals, Alyssa had begun to feel even worse than she did at the start of the day. Normally when she felt this awful, just physically and emotionally wiped, she would tell Emma she needed to go home and lie down, but today she didn’t dare. It was the last day she would get to spend with Connor and Lia, and she didn’t want them to remember her like that. Besides, they hadn't yet told the kids they would be leaving tomorrow. They were waiting for the right moment, whenever the hell that might be. 

After a few hours of watching different animals, a usually subdued Connor yelped with joy. “Here next!” Connor begged, suddenly animated as he spotted a new exhibit.

“Whoa, Connor, don’t run ahead!” Emma called to him as he bolted towards the next exhibit.

“But Mama, the  _ PANDAS!”  _ he exclaimed, jumping up and down with glee.

“Pandas??” Alyssa gasped as her eyes lit up for the first time that day. The pandas were her absolute favorite part of the zoo, and without thinking, she ran to catch up with Connor. She could practically hear Emma rolling her eyes as she ran with him and plopped down on the bench inside the exhibit.

Giggling, Connor pointed at the bears behind the glass panel. “Mommy, look! Pandas!!!”

Alyssa was so excited to see the bears that she didn’t even notice that he had called her ‘Mommy’. “I haven’t seen the new baby yet!” she exclaimed, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping in a fat smile as she saw the newest addition to the exhibit.

“He’s so cute!” Connor exclaimed, enamoured by the three bears snuggling in their outdoor den. The two of them kept giggling and whispering as they watched the pandas, barely noticing when the others came up behind them.

“This is boring,” Lia said after a few minutes of watching the lazy bears lay in their den.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Ellie insisted, grabbing onto Alyssa’s hand to pull her up from the bench seat.

“No! Not yet,” Connor insisted. "We just got here."

“But they’re not  _ doing _ anything _ , _ ” Ellie said with a pout, yanking at Alyssa’s hand even harder.

“What if we split up?” Alyssa suggested. “Connor and I stay here, and you girls can keep moving.”

“Yeah! Mama, can we?”

Emma frowned at Connor. “I don’t know…” she mumbled as she struggled to come up with a reason why it was a bad idea. “What if you get lost?”

“My phone’s fully charged,” Alyssa replied. “We’ll be fine.”

Emma frowned, clearly not wanting to leave Connor. “Okay, well, text me when you want to meet up. See you later.”

“Bye,” Connor said, not tearing his eyes away from the pandas. 

“Panda’s are my favorite too,” Alyssa confided as the others left the exhibit.

“Really?” Connor said, beaming up at her.

“Really!” Alyssa replied with a giggle. “They’re sooooo cute!”

“Do you think he gets lonely?”

“Who?”

“The cub,” Connor explained, not taking his eyes off of it. “Being an only child. Does he get lonely?”

Alyssa thought for a moment. “Well, he gets to play with his parents all day, so I don’t think so.”

Connor nodded thoughtfully. “Good. Being lonely is hard. I’m glad I have Lia and Ellie to play with, so I don’t have to worry about that.”

“Being an only child was  _ awful, _ ” Alyssa said before she could stop herself. “I was lonely all the time growing up, until I met Mama.”

“Oh,” Connor said, not quite processing.

“I always wanted to have more kids,” Alyssa continued without thinking, “So Ellie wouldn’t grow up an only child.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you have more kids?”

It was an innocent enough question, coming from a child. But Alyssa still felt her stomach twist as she struggled to find an answer. “I… well….”

* * *

_ In the hour since she dropped Ellie off at preschool, Alyssa had felt progressively worse. Her nausea had come back, quickly followed by a blinding headache that two Advil did nothing to chip away at.  _ It’s because I’m nervous for Emma, _ she told herself as she typed at her desk, doing her best to ignore how absolutely awful she was feeling. _

_ “Alyssa, are you joining us?”  _

_ “Hm?” Alyssa glanced up from her computer to see that her boss, Richard, was glaring at her. _

_ “The client meeting,” Richard said, his angry eyes wide. “Started ten minutes ago.” _

_ “Oh,” Alyssa said as she clumsily stood up from her desk. “Sorry. Pregnancy brain.” She hastily grabbed a legal pad and pen and followed Richard into the boardroom, doing her best to hide the fact that the walk made her slightly dizzy.  _

_ By the time she had reached her seat in the boardroom, Alyssa felt a hundred times worse. Her stomach was churning painfully, and she wanted nothing more than to go home and just lie down. She could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on her as beads of sweat started to form on her face, making it much harder to mask how sick she felt. _

_ “Alyssa, do you need a glass of water?” Richard asked pointedly.  _

_ Alyssa nodded her head; god, it felt heavy. “Yes, that’d be great, thanks.”  _

_ Richard shot a look at an intern who returned moments later with a glass. Alyssa thanked him and took a sip while Richard continued to speak to their client, but the water just made her feel even more sick. All of a sudden, the nausea turned to pain, sharp and unrelenting. Something in her stomach twisted, and Alyssa sucked in her breath, a loud gasp in an otherwise quiet room. _

_ “Mrs. Nolan-” _

_ “I’m sorry, you’ll need to excuse me for a moment,” a breathless Alyssa said suddenly, jumping up from her seat as pain surged through her abdomen. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. _

_ She knew she needed to get out of there, and fast. She ignored the eyes of everyone in the boardroom on her as she stood up and clumsily headed for the door, her head spinning as she rushed to the exit. But she didn’t make it very far. _

_ Everything in her body suddenly felt very heavy as she tripped over her own feet, sending her sprawling to the ground. The world became very fuzzy, and she was dimly aware of the feeling of something warm spreading down her legs, of the metallic smell of blood filling the air, as she collapsed. She could faintly hear someone screaming to call 911, but it didn’t really register as she slipped out of consciousness.  _

_ Her mind went blank as everything faded away. She couldn't think of Ellie, who was at preschool at the moment; she couldn’t think of her pregnancy, or wonder if her baby was okay. Her only tangible thought was of Emma, who at that very moment was on a plane across the country that had just taken off, her cellphone shut down. _

* * *

“I got sick,” Alyssa said finally. “I got sick and needed surgery, and I couldn’t have more kids.”

“Oh,” Connor said again with a contemplative nod. “Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better now.”

“I don’t always feel better,” Alyssa replied before she could stop herself. She blushed as she realized the truth in her words. “I mean… well, my body isn’t sick anymore, but sometimes my head is.”

Connor nodded again, not fully understanding but still wise beyond his years. “Sometimes, I feel like my head is sick too. Everything can be really hard sometimes.”

“It can,” Alyssa agreed. “It can be really hard.”

“When I need to feel better, I just try to think of something happy,” Connor continued. “Like pandas. Or ice cream. Or my friends. Maybe you can try that when you feel like your head is sick.”

Alyssa smiled, not realizing a tear was cascading down her cheek. “You’re really smart, do you know that?”

Connor smiled shyly back at her. “Do you have something happy to think about when your head is sick?”

Alyssa wrapped her arm around Connor, who quickly nestled in close to her side. “Maybe you can be my 'something happy'.”

* * *

They stayed like that for hours, silently watching the pandas play, until they heard a voice calling out behind them.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you have to go.”

“Excuse me?” Alyssa said, turning around to find a zoo worker approaching them.

The worker smiled at them. “The zoo is closing for the day,” she explained. “I’m afraid you’ll have to head out.”

“Oh,” Alyssa said sadly. She stood up from the bench and reached her hand out to Connor. “Come on, bud, let’s see where the others are.”

Connor gave a sad half smile before grabbing her hand and standing up as well. “Can we come back and see the pandas again?”

Alyssa felt her heart snap in that moment; she wasn’t sure she would ever see Connor again, and suddenly she couldn’t bare the thought of it. She was too afraid to answer his question, but luckily the zoo employee saved the day. “Would your son like to pick out a stuffed animal?”

“Oh, he’s not-”

“On the house,” the employee finished with a grin. “We have plenty of great stuffed pandas in the shop.”

Alyssa cleared her throat.  _ He’s not my son. _ The words lingered on the edge of her lips, but she refused to let them out. Maybe… because they weren’t true. “That’s very kind of you. Connor, would you like that?”

He beamed up at her before running towards the gift shop. The zoo employee chuckled and smiled at Alyssa as he ducked into the store. “That’s a very sweet little boy you have,” she said.

“I... do,” Alyssa replied, feeling lower than she had ever felt. “I really do.”

* * *

An hour later, Emma pulled into the driveway of their home, sighing as she turned her head to glance at the three children, fast asleep in their car seats. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I wanted to tell them before they went to bed tonight.”

“It’s okay,” Alyssa replied, pulling at a piece of thread that had come loose from the edge of her shirt. “Kids fall asleep.”

“I just… I didn’t want them to have to find out tomorrow when the social worker comes,” Emma said, tears pricking the corner of her eyes.

“Emma…” Alyssa began to say, but Emma had already bolted from the car. 

“Shit,” Alyssa whispered, praying the kids were still asleep as she followed Emma out of the car. She found Emma leaning against a tree, crying quietly.

“Emma,” Alyssa whispered, reaching her hand up to wipe the tears from her wife’s face. “Babe…” she wrapped her arms around Emma, hugging her tightly as her own tears followed. 

“I’m sorry,” Emma blubbered, breaking away from the hug. “I’ve been such a bitch today.”

“It’s okay,” Alyssa whispered in her ear. “You’re hurting…”

Emma pulled back from the hug and angrily swiped at her eyes, pushing her glasses askew. “It’s just… we’re never going to see them again.”

Alyssa glanced back at the minivan, where the kids all sat sleeping. Even in the darkness, she could still see them through the window: Ellie and Lia holding hands in their matching Elsa and Anna car seats, Connor clutching his new stuffed panda.

“This might be totally crazy… but, Emma-”

“What?”

Alyssa wiped tears from her cheeks before looking at her wife. “What if they stayed?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry it's been a while!!! I'm going to try to finish this ASAP. TBH I wrote the epilogue before I wrote anything else so I really just want to be able to post that.

_ The longest part of it all, Emma realized, was the elevator ride. _

_ Looking back at the whole experience, the most torturous part of it wasn’t the hours of waiting in the airport while she begged for a seat on a flight back home; it wasn’t the five hour red-eye while she sat wide awake on the airplane, crying as she sunk down into her middle seat; it wasn’t even the bumpy cab ride to the hospital where she had to bite her lip so that she wouldn’t scream at the driver to get there faster. _

_ But the elevator ride up to the 8th floor, the ICU (why did she have to be on such a high floor? If she had been lower, Emma could have gotten there sooner). It seemed like the elevator was being purposefully slow as it stopped on 3, then 5, then finally her floor. _

_ Barry had been calling her with updates e very half hour as they came from the doctors, first the big, scary ones, and later the assurance that Alyssa was out of the woods.  “She’s going to make it,”  Barry promised as she was boarding her return flight. “ The doctor said she should make it.”  But th at “should” wasn’t good enough. Emma knew she wouldn’t be able to breathe until she was there, holding Alyssa, making sense of how everything could be perfect one minute and then terrible the next. _

_ The second the elevator doors opened, Emma flew down the hall to the room number Barry had texted her. When she arrived, she saw Barry and Dee Dee asleep on chairs right outside the room, but she didn’t bother greeting them before barrelling into the hospital room.  _

_ When she finally saw Alyssa, her knees buckled, and all of the air left her lungs. She was asleep in the bed, but there was nothing peaceful looking about her; tubes and wires surrounded her body, and her complexion was gray and waxy. It made Emma’s heart skip a beat. The last time she had seen her wife, she was beautiful, glowing, and pregnant. And now… _

_ Emma ran to the side of the bed, her legs unable to hold her a minute longer. She grabbed onto the side of the bed, squeezing it like a lifeline, as she choked back a sob. All of the worry and panic that had filled her for the last day was finally exploded out of her as she began to cry, doing her best to be quiet. _

_ But it wasn’t quiet enough. Emma watched with wonder as Alyssa weakly opened her eyes, still barely awake. “Lys, can you hear me?” Emma pleaded, reaching for her hand. “I’m here, babe, I’m here. _

_ Alyssa responded, her voice raspy, the words caught in her throat. "Emma..." _

_ "Lys, what is it?" _

_ “It was a boy.” _

* * *

“Wake up! Wake up! Santa came!”

Emma groaned as she pulled a pillow over her head as the knocks descended on their bedroom door. “Too early,” she mumbled as she burrowed deeper into the blankets.

Alyssa giggled as she rolled over to kiss Emma on the cheek. “And Merry Christmas to you, too.”

“Santa needs to sleep for a few more minutes,” Emma moaned quietly as she pulled her pillow over her head. She was rightfully drowsy; they had been up until 1am setting up the presents under the tree. They wanted everything to be perfect today.

“Mommy!!! Mama!!!” They could the kids’ banging on the doors louder, making Alyssa laugh even more. “SANTA CAME!!!!”

“ _Okay_!!!” Emma finally called back, groaning as she rolled off the bed. “We’re coming, we’re coming.” Alyssa quickly slid into her slippers and followed behind her. As soon as Emma opened the door, the two were attacked by the screaming children, and grabbing at their wrists to pull them towards the living room.

“Look what Santa did!” Emma and Alyssa feigned shock when they entered the living room, filled to the brim with brightly wrapped presents. The two couldn’t even look at each other, or they knew they’d burst into giggles at their kids’ glee. 

The morning was perfect: squealing over new toys, a big chocolate chip pancake breakfast, and the kids' gleeful presentation of matching mugs that read “World’s Best Mommy” and “World’s Best Mama” on the side (“Uncle Barry helped us pick them out for you,” Connor explained with pride). After over an hour of magical family time, all the presents had been unwrapped, save two thick envelopes that rested at the very base of the tree. 

There’s one more here for Connor and Lia, from us,” Alyssa said, trying to sound nonchalant so as not to give away her excitement. Connor and Lia reached for the envelopes, confused and excited. 

“Wait!” Emma said as she reached for the video camera. “I want this one on film.” She fumbled awkwardly with it for a minute before pointing it at the kids. Ellie grinned mischievously - she knew what was coming, as Alyssa and Emma had sat her down a few weeks ago to ask how she felt about the whole thing.

“Okay, it’s on,” Emma said when she was sure it was working. “Go ahead!”

Connor and Lia looked at their envelopes suspiciously before tearing up the shiny wrapping paper to reveal the contents: a few folded sheets of paper with an official city seal on the front.

“Do you know what it is?” Alyssa asked gently, almost giddy with excitement. 

Lia shook her head, with Connor squinted at the words on the top of the paper. “Cer-ti-fi-cate of a-dop-tion,” he read, sounding out the words. “Does that mean-”

“Connor, Lia, we want to adopt you,” Alyssa said, reaching for Emma’s hand.

“Really??” Lia screamed, dropping her paper and letting it fall to the floor.

Emma squeezed Alyssa’s hand tightly, her grin exploding as she squinted through the lense of the video camera. “We’re your Moms, and we want you to stay here. So we want to officially become a family! Is that okay with you?”

Lia instantly burst in tears and ran into Alyssa’s arms, and Emma quickly pivoted to point the camera at them. Alyssa laughed as she wrapped her arms around the little girl, squeezing her tightly with love. 

“Connor? What about you?” Emma asked as she zoomed the camera in on him. But while she was expecting tears, screams, or even some display of joy, she was met by a worried expression.

“I… I’ll have to think about it,” Connor said weakly, clutching the papers in his fist. 

“Oh,” Emma said, lowering the camera. Lia and Ellie fell deadly silent. “That okay!” she immediately chirped, a forced smile tight on her face. “We can think about it. Right Mommy?”

“R-right,” Alyssa stuttered, her throat suddenly thick. She looked at Emma as she felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces. “Why don’t we start cleaning up the wrapping paper-”

Before she could finish her sentence, Connor dropped the papers and ran to his room. Shocked, Emma stood up to follow him. 

“Em, wait-” Alyssa said, jumping up to grab her wife by the wrist. “Girls, can you do some cleaning up?” she called as Emma dragged her down the hall.

“...what?” Emma whispered, her voice breaking when she was far enough away from the other children. She started to shiver slightly, shaking with fear and sadness. “Wh-wh-why?”

“I… I don’t know babe,” Alyssa replied, biting the inside of her cheek. 

“He’s… did we do something wrong?” Emma said as tears began to spill down her cheeks. 

“I don’t know,” Alyssa answered honestly. "I really don't."

Emma choked back a small sob. “We need to talk to him. He's _our son-_ ”

“Let me,” Alyssa said, squeezing Emma’s hand gently. Tears silently streaming down her face, Emma nodded and retreated to down the hall their bedroom, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Alyssa knocked on the door to Connor’s room to and peered her head in. She saw the small boy sitting on the edge of his bed, deep in thought. “Can I come in?” Connor looked up from his place on his bed and nodded slightly.

Alyssa sat down next to him. “Did you have a good Christmas? Did you like the toys Santa brought you?”

“It’s okay, Alyssa, I know Santa isn’t real,” Connor said simply.  _ Alyssa.  _ He hadn’t called her that in months. It felt like a stab in the heart. 

“What do you mean? Of course he’s real.”

“My last foster mom told me he wasn’t, and that’s why we didn’t get toys last year,” Connor explained. “Don’t tell Lia, though.”

Alyssa nodded, thoughtful. “I won’t. Did you like your gifts?”

“Most of them.”

“Oh? Which ones didn’t you like?”

Connor said nothing, only cast his eyes even lower than before. 

Alyssa placed a hand on his back, gentle and comforting. “Connor, Mama and I love you and Lia very much, and we want you to be happy. Do you understand?” A silent nod, a sniffle. Alyssa paused before continuing. “Are you happy here, Connor?”

“Yes,” he said quietly, almost embarrassed.

“Is there anything you don’t like about living here?” Alyssa prodded gently. “Anything that makes you upset?”

“No,” he replied, his voice even smaller than before.

“Are you sure? Because if there is, you can tell me-”

“Nothing here makes me upset,” he said, sniffling softly.

“Okay…” Alyssa paused before deciding to be more direct. “Connor, maybe we should have asked you privately instead of springing it on you this morning, but Mama and I want you and Lia to live here forever. Do you want that?”

“I do,” he said, so softly Alyssa almost thought she misheard him. 

Alyssa tried to keep her expression even as she felt her heart leap with joy. “Okay,” she said, struggling to contain herself. “To make sure we can do that, we would like to adopt you. Is that something you’re not okay with?”

“I… I-”

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Alyssa said, putting a protective hand on his shoulder. She knew he was hiding something; she spent so many years hiding herself, she knew what it looked like to be struggling with a secret. “Connor, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I just…” He swallowed nervously before he spoke again. “Mommy, if you adopt me, then I might never see Delilah again,” he explained before bursting into tears.

Alyssa swept him up into her arms, holding him close and whispering words of comfort to him as her burrowed up against her chest. But her mind was racing.  _ Who the heck is Delilah? _


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's uh.... been a minute. Sorry about that.  
> This is the last plot filled chapter; the next chapter is just a fluffy happy epilogue. IDK if anyone actually reads this, but if you do, I hope you like it.

_ “Okay, I think it’s bedtime,” Emma said as she hovered by the side of the bed. _

_ “Five more minutes?” Ellie pleaded, clutching onto the covers. Alyssa had come home from the hospital that morning, and she had barely spent any time with Ellie yet.  _

_ Emma glanced at Alyssa, her eyes silently asking. Alyssa gave a small shake of her head, almost imperceptible - that was her answer.  _

_ “Mommy’s tired,” Emma answered, crossing her arms. “Now give her a hug goodnight.” _

_ Ellie pouted but didn’t fight. “Goodnight, Mommy,” she said as she reached her small arms around Alyssa’s neck. “I hope you feel better.” _

_ “Night, baby,” Alyssa whispered, her eyes closed, counting the seconds until it was over. Her body turned into a limp noodle under the toddler’s grasp.  _

_ It broke Emma’s heart. _

_ After a few moments, Emma cleared her throat. “Okay, Ellie-belly, go get your pj’s on. I’ll be there in a minute.” She swiftly lifted her daughter off the bed and pushed her out the door of their bedroom, closing the door as quickly as she could. _

_ Alyssa sighed, relieved, before sinking back into the pillows. Emma sat down on the edge of the bed, softly stroking Alyssa’s hair away from her face.  _

_ “Whatcha thinking about?” Emma asked gently. _

_ “Him,” Alyssa replied softly, not making eye contact with her wife. _

_ “Him who?” _

_ “Him...,” Alyssa said, putting a hand lightly on her abdomen. _

_ Emma gulped. “Lys-” _

_ “I always wanted a big family. Two boys and two girls. I don’t want Ellie to be alone like I was…” _

_ “She is NOT alone,” Emma said fiercely. “She has us. You and me. She'll never be alone.” _

_ “I just…” Alyssa started. “I can’t believe…” _

_ “What if I had a baby?” _

_ “Emma, what?” _

_ “I could… I could maybe…” Emma started to say. _

_ “No,” Alyssa replied, a fierce whisper. “You don't want to carry a baby, and I could never ask you to do that.” _

_ “But… what if I want to?” Emma replied, her brow furrowing slightly. _

_“But you don’t,” Alyssa said with a sad shake of her head. “You don’t want to. I just… I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to say. This wasn't supposed to happen like this."_

_ “Well,” Emma said as she tenderly brought Alyssa’s hands to her lips. “Here’s what I know.” She lightly kissed Alyssa’s hands before squeezing them tightly. “I know, I have a wife, who I love, and a daughter, who I love. And we have a found family, and a great dog, and the most beautiful life together. And that can be enough.” _

_ Tears spilled down Alyssa’s cheeks, hot and angry. “It’s just not fucking fair,” she spat out. _

_ “It’s not,” Emma agreed. “But … it’s what we have. And it’s more than plenty.”  _

* * *

In all the years she had been practicing law, Alyssa had never visited the jail. She had definitely taken interest in criminal defense when she was in school, and before she graduated, she volunteered every other weekend giving legal advice to people facing unjust criminal charges. But she had never, ever stepped foot in a jail or prison before, let alone a juvenile detention hall.

When the guard set her down at an old timey telephone booth, Alyssa had to feign her shock.  _ It really is just like in the movies,  _ she thought, reaching for the phone as the young girl on the other side of the glass reached for an identical one. 

“Hi Delilah,” Alyssa said, trying to measure her facial expression as she studied the girl in front of her. Everything about Delilah screamed resistance, from her hunched shoulders to her scowl to the way her long blonde hair hid the bruises on her face.

“Who the fuck are you?” the girl spat out, more aggressive than warranted. She couldn’t be more than fourteen or fifteen, far too young to be in a place like this.

“My name’s Alyssa Nolan. I’m a lawyer, and I’m going to see if I can get you out of here.”

“And why would you want to do that?”

“Because Connor and Lia miss you.” 

Instantly, Alyssa watched the girl’s face soften and the mention of her brother and sister, the anger in her eyes melting away. “Where are they? Are they okay?”

“They’re just fine,” Alyssa assured her. “They’re at school.”

“Are they safe?”

“They’re safe. They’re in a good home with two parents that love them and want to adopt them.”

“Are you serious?” she asked, her jaw dropping.

“I am,” Alyssa promised. “It’s my home, and I want to take care of them.”

Delilah’s narrowed. “I thought you said you were a lawyer.”

“I am,” Alyssa continued. “That’s why I came here. Delilah, I know you shouldn’t be in here. And if you let me, I think I can get you out.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” she growled, the anger suddenly back.

“I know you were arrested after you attacked your last foster father-”

“He was scum!” Delilah shot out. “He-”

“I know you were just trying to protect your siblings,” Alyssa continued, cutting her off. “And I know there’s more than enough evidence to get you released if you let me try. And then you can come home, and live with Connor and Lia.”

“...What?” Delilah paused, unable to process. “You mean-”

“I would foster you, and then adopt you if you wanted.” 

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why?” Delilah repeated. “You barely know me. Why… why would you do that?”

Alyssa bit her lip for a moment, considering her words, before placing her hand up against the glass that separated them. “I’m not okay with my kids having a sibling they don’t get to see. I don’t believe in splitting up family. And maybe I just want … more.”

Wordlessly, Delilah pressed her palm up against where Alyssa’s sat, the two hands mirroring each other. A thousand silent words passed between them, making Alyssa feel more purpose than she could ever remember feeling.

“Wait,” Delilah said, breaking the heavy silence that filled the space. “There’s something you should know.” 

Alyssa looked at her, shocked to discover that she was shaking slightly in fear. 

“I’m not…. Look, before you offer to let me live with you, you should know that I’m not… a girl.”

“Oh?”

She watched Delilah blush and suck in her cheeks. “I mean… I don’t know what I am yet, but I’m definitely not a girl, so if you were looking for another daughter, that’s not what you’re getting, and I don’t know if that’s going to be a problem for you or your husband, but it’s who I am.” She curled away from the window, scared, like a dog afraid of being beaten. 

Alyssa’s face exploded into a warm, reassuring smile. “Delilah, I don’t have a problem with that at all, and neither will my wife.”

Alyssa watched Delilah’s jaw drop slightly. “Wait, you’re-”

“She and I met in high school an hav been together ever since,” Alyssa said by way of explanation. 

The tiniest hint smile appeared at the corners of Delilah’s mouth. “That’s… cool.”

* * *

“What is she like?” Emma asked as she rolled into bed that night.

Alyssa paused, considering her words. “She’s… guarded. She’s been through a lot.”

“So have we,” Emma pointed out as she pulled the covers up to her chin. “And she seems… okay? Like we would get along?” 

“I think so?” Alyssa said, nervously rubbing the fringe on her blanket. “I didn’t get to talk to her for very long, but it’s just a .... feeling. She doesn’t belong there, Em, she belongs with us. You know what I mean?”

“I do,” Emma admitted. “I felt that way with Connor and Lia. I trust you, and if you feel like we have to, then we have to.” 

Alyssa sighed, relieved that Emma was already on board. She rolled close to her and placed her head on Emma's chest, letting Emma play with her hair. 

“And that lady from the non-profit you talked to, what was her name?” Emma asked. 

“Annie. She said this is all they do, help kids in bad positions with the legal system.”

“And they said they could help get Delilah out?”

“She said it’s a maybe,” Alyssa admitted. “They’re pretty overstretched right now because they don’t have enough lawyers on staff…”

“Well good thing you happen to  _ be _ a lawyer,” Emma pointed out.

“I did real estate law…” Alyssa pointed out, feeling helpless.

“Well, that doesn’t mean you can’t do this,” Emma replied, moving closer to her and putting her arm around her. 

Alyssa sighed and nestled into the contact, curling closer into Emma’s side and placing her head on Emma’s shoulder. “It’s been almost a year since I stepped into a courtroom. I don’t know if I can do it…”

“Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” Emma mumbled into her hair. 

“Em-”

“The Alyssa I know doesn't give up that easily, especially if she’s standing up for what’s right.”

Alyssa felt herself blush slightly and buried her face deep into Emma’s pajama top. “They said it would be a … battle, getting her released.”

“Babe, you helped Barry organize and downsize his bowtie collection. I’m pretty sure you can do just about anything.”

* * *

“And so, I hereby grant custody of the minor to Emma and Alyssa Nolan. You are free to go.” The judge banged the gavel, but you couldn’t hear a thing over the cheers and screams that had erupted in the courtroom. Delilah turned to Alyssa, both of them hysterically crying as they embraced tightly, Emma running towards them with Connor, Lia, and Ellie on her heels. The trio was so excited to hug their sibling that they all clumsily let go of the balloons that had held throughout the proceedings, the colorful orbs quickly rising to the courthouse ceiling. 

Wiping her eyes, Alyssa pulled away from Delilah so she could hug down the line. “Emma, Ellie, I’d like for you both to officially meet Delilah Nolan.” 

“I am so thrilled to finally have another perfect, beautiful daughter,” Emma said as she hugged Delilah tightly.

“Emma-” Alyssa started to say, cutting her off, remembering the first day she met Delilah.

“Actually, I prefer he/him pronouns. And you can call me Lyle.”

Without missing a beat, Emma looked at Lyle rights in the eyes and said, “My mistake! I’m getting another perfect, handsome son.” 

Wordlessly, Lyle wrapped his arms around Emma and squeezed tightly. Alyssa gazed at the two of them, mouthing  _ I love you! _ to Emma as they made eye contact. Emma gave her a wide smile in return. 

Alyssa sighed, feeling the tension in her neck suddenly start to relax. First it was her neck, then her back, then her whole body. She hadn't even realized how tense she was until every part of her started to relax. It was shocking at first, but after a moment of staring at Emma, surrounded by her four children, she realized what she was feeling. For the first time, maybe ever, she felt finished. 


	9. Chapter 9

_ “Do you want kids?” _

_ “WHAT?” Emma looked up from the textbook she was skimming, shocked. “Wh-why are you asking?” _

_ Alyssa rolled over on her tiny dorm room bed to face Emma. “I- I don’t know…” she mumbled. _

_ Emma closed her textbook and shifted awkwardly in the bean bag chair she was perched on - music theory could wait. “Why are you asking?” she repeated, inquisitive.  _

_ “I was just thinking about it,” Alyssa replied, glancing at Emma with her eyes wide. “I want kids, and we’re kind of serious now, and I was just wondering if you do, too.” _

_ “You know you’re only a nineteen, right?” Emma said, raising an eyebrow.  _

_ “Yeah, I know,” Alyssa said defiantly. “That doesn’t mean I can’t think about what I want to do with my life.” _

_ “This from the girl who can’t even decide on a major,” Emma teased. Alyssa rolled her eyes, not responding, so Emma swallowed nervously before answering. “I do,” she said finally. _

_ “You do what?” _

_ “I do want kids.” _

_ Alyssa flashed her a small smile. “Cool.” _

_ “And y-you do, too?” Emma said, choking a little bit on her words. _

_ “I do,” Alyssa said softly. _

_ “Uh--uhhhh- okay, cool,” Emma stammered, her eyebrows raised. _

_ “You’re adorable when you’re flustered,” Alyssa said, a grin exploding over her face as she rolled off the bed, crawled over to the beanbag chair, and pulled Emma in close for a kiss. “And I bet you’d make a great mom.”  _

_ “Yeah, right,” Emma said, laughing a little. “Maybe we could start with a dog or something." _

* * *

“Mooooooooom!” a voice called from down the hall.

Alyssa groaned and put down her makeup brush. “I’m coming!” she called as she stepped out of her bathroom with her hair and makeup only half done, walking towards the sound of bickering teenagers. 

“Mom, Ellie stole my lipgloss!” Fourteen year old Lia insisted as she pointed an accusing finger at Ellie.

“I did not!” Ellie insisted.

“Did so!”

Alyssa crossed her arms. “Ellie, did you take your sister’s lipgloss?”

Ellie stuck her hand on her hip, defiant. At age sixteen, she was nothing if not confrontational. “I only did because she took my sweater last week and stretched it out!”

“It didn’t even fit you anyone,” Lia argued. “You only like it because it’s what you were wearing it when you ditched class to make out with Alex-”

“SHUT UP!”

“Who is Alex??” Alyssa said, mouth agape.

“Mom, she-”

“ _ Elizabeth.  _ Go to your room right now.”

Ellie angrily turned away to dramatically stomp up the stairs, her long brown hair whipping behind her. “Lia, why are you such a brat?” she screamed as she ascended.

“You listen to me, missy,” Alyssa called after her as Lia scampered away. “I  _ chose _ her, and you were just luck of the draw.”

Ellie stomped her feet even louder as she barrelled up the stairs to her room. “You went through three rounds of IVF for me!” she screamed before slamming the door to her bedroom.

Alyssa gasped softly as she felt warm arms wrap around her waist, pulling her in while lips lightly grazed the back of her neck. “We should have never told her that,” Emma said with a laugh.

Alyssa sighed. “Remind me why we thought four kids was a good idea?”

“Well, they were cute when they were little.” 

Alyssa groaned as she spun around to face her wife. “You look  _ good,” _ she said, eyeing Emma’s suit, her undone tie slung over her shoulders.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Mrs. Nolan,” Emma said, leaning in for a deep kiss that Alyssa eagerly returned.

“Ewwww, get a room, why don’t you,” Connor called out from his place on the living room couch. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t quite hear you,” Emma called back, making dramatic smooching noises as she pressed kisses all over Alyssa’s face, dissolving her wife into a fit of giggles. 

“Mama, you’re gross,” Connor called out, rolling his eyes.

“Shouldn’t you be getting dressed by now?” Emma asked him, ignoring his comment.

“In a sec, I’m FaceTiming Lyle.”

“Lyle!!!” Emma and Alyssa squealed in unison, running over to the couch. “Can we say hi?”

Connor spun his phone around so Lyle’s face was visible. “Hi, Moms!” he said, his wide grin filling the screen.

“How’s our grown up man doing today?” Emma asked.

“I’m good, just about to meet a friend for dinner,” Lyle replied. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there tonight, Mom.”

Alyssa flicked her hand. “Don’t apologize for a second. You’re here in spirit.”

“Connor, you really need to go get your suit on,” Emma interrupted, stopping the conversation short. 

The teenager rolled his eyes and turned to head to his room. “Bye, Moms,” Lyle’s voice called from the phone Connor held tightly. “Love you!”

“Love you too, baby!” Alyssa called after him.

“Ugh, he’s not a baby anymore,” Emma moaned once Connor was out of sight. “Seeing him looking so grown up just reminds me how freaking old I am.”

“He looks good, don’t you think so?” Alyssa asked.

“Definitely,” Emma agreed. “Ever since his top surgery, he looks so much happier.”

“Well, I can’t wait to see him tonight.”

“Yeah, I- what?” Emma sharply looked up at Alyssa, who was flashing her a Cheshire-cat grin. “Okay, who told you?”

“Lia let it slip a few days ago,” Alyssa explained. “You all did such a good job hiding it.”

Emma pouted and walked towards her, pulling Alyssa closer to her at the hips. “He wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Emma whispered as they pressed their foreheads together. “This organization is how he came to us, how we got to be a family.”

“What do you think my speech is about?”

Emma smiled warmly. “You nervous about it?”

“I have it memorized perfectly,” Alyssa said, matter of fact. “I drilled it between cases all day yesterday.”

“Well, I knew they would make you president sooner or later. I’m just glad they finally came to their senses-”

“MAMAAAA!!!!!” a high pitched voice screamed from upstairs, interrupting them yet again.

“Looks like it’s your turn,” Alyssa said with a smirk. 

Emma rolled her eyes playfully. “Coming!” she shouted towards the kids’ bedrooms. She winked at Alyssa before heading towards the sound of the shrieks, but not before giving her wife a playful slap on her butt. Alyssa smiled, staring at her wife as she walked away. A few streaks of silver neatly curled through Emma’s hair, but she was still as gorgeous as ever. 

Alyssa sighed, running her hand through her hair, thinking about how tired she was. It was the best kind of tired - tired from running around between Ellie’s soccer games, Connor’s choir concerts, and Lia’s dance class. Tired from staying late at the office because old clients kept dropping by to catch up, crying for hours with gratitude for what she did for their families. Tired from staying up planning all the details for a romantic trip to Hawaii, a surprise for her and Emma’s next anniversary that was almost impossible to keep underwraps. 

She was tired, so, so tired, because life was so completely and wonderfully full. 


End file.
